Zack Attack
by beaglelvr93
Summary: The full title to this is 'Zack attack while returning from a snack and ending up on your back' but it wouldn't fit. My entry for the CBPC for Jan 08.


January CBPC... enjoy!

(---------------)

Kathy walked slowly down the hall.

_Delete..._

Andrew Ryan drew his gun, aiming it at-

_Delete..._

Letting out a frustrated wail, Temperance Brennan roughly pushed her chair away from her desk and stomped out of her office. _Dam writer's block. Maybe I'm just hungry. _She thought, as her stomach growled it's agreement.

Padding in her socks to the conference room, she grabbed a banana and poured herself a cup of coffee. Adding a generous amount of sugar and a splash of milk, she headed back to her office. Just as she was passing the woman's bathroom she heard a thumping noise. Stopping in her tracks, she listened.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

There it was again. Pressing her ear to the bathroom door she realized it was coming from inside.

_Who would be in there? It's 6am. _Curiosity took over and she reached for the lock. Before she could reach it, the door sprung open with a loud bang, and she was assaulted in a huge bear hug that sent both her and the 'bearhugee' sprawling. Looking up, Brennan realized that she recognized the rambling assaulter.

"Zack?"

"I can explain, Dr. Brennan. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

(---------------) (The day before, approx. 10:00 pm) (---------------)

The Jeffersonian had a new janitor. He had obviously not yet learned that the Medco-Legal lab had excellent security – there was no need to lock the bathroom doors. At the same time that the new janitor was locking said bathroom doors, Zack Addy had to pee. Putting down the bone he was examining, he hurried towards the men's room. Truing the door, he found it locked.

"Now what?" He asked out loud to the empty hallway, doing a little jig. In his desperation he ran to the next nearest bathroom. The woman's room.

Glancing up and down the hallway and seeing no one, Zack jerked open the door and ran inside.

To his surprise, the woman's bathroom was not as alien as he had imagined it to be. It was virtually the same as the men's room, minus urinals and plus a couch. Silently wondering what you would need a couch in a bathroom for, he bolted to the nearest stall.

_Ahhhh... _he thought. So caught up in his relief at finding an open bathroom, Zack failed to hear the lock on the bathroom door click.

Stepping out of the stall, he moved to the sink to wash his hands. After squeezing some pink soap into his hand, Zack brought it to his nose for a sniff. _Flowery. That's so sexist, putting boring soap in the men's room and flowery in the woman's. _He thought. Making a mental note to ask the janitor for some flowery soap in the men's room as well, he grabbed a paper towel, dried his hands and then balled up the paper. Tossing it into the trash can with one hand, he reached to pull open the door with the other.

It didn't open.

Thinking there MUST be some mistake, Zack tugged again on the door. Still it remained closed.

_Locked... _He thought, bending to examine the lock. The bolt was in place.

"Now why would they make bathroom doors lockable only from the outside? Didn't anyone think of this situation when designing them?" When no one answered him, Zack pulled a paper clip out of his pocket. Sticking it where the bolt went into the wall, he tried to somehow move it. Wiggling the clip had no affect, and when he pressed on it it simply bent over.

"What would Dr. Brennan do in this situation?" He wondered. _Call Angela and have her unlock the door! _Excited at his solution, he dug in his pockets only to discover that he had left his phone on his desk to charge.

"Plan B, plan B..." He muttered, his eyes scanning the bathroom for a tool or alternate escape route. A small one foot by two foot window was the only other exit – and there was no way he was going to fit through it.

Even though it was irrational and in absolutely no way helped the thinking process, Zack started to pace.

"Think about this logically. I am locked in a bathroom with no means of opening the door. There is no one in the building, therefore yelling is useless." Coming to a halt, he mumbled the last part out loud.

"The only _logical _thing to do is to lie down and sleep until someone opens the door." Making his way to the couch, he flopped down on it and threw a hand over his eyes.

Zack's last thought before he drifted off to sleep was that he now knew the reason for having a couch in a bathroom.

(-------------) (Next day, 6am) (-------------)

Zack woke slowly. Before opening his eyes, he stretched his arms and legs, yawning. Feeling himself losing balance, he reached out his hands to grab onto the couch. Missing by a mile, he went down on the floor in a tangle of limbs. Finally opening his eyes, he glanced around.

_Now why the heck am I in a bathroom? _He wondered. Spotting the twisted paper clip on the floor, it all came back to him.

The young forensic anthropologist got up and went over to the door. Pulling on the handle, he discovered that it was still locked. Sighing, he went to stand in front of the mirror. Chuckling at his own appearance, he tried to flatten his hair.

Just as he was sitting back on the couch, he spotted a toilet plunger in the back corner of the bathroom. Running over, he grabbed it and went back to the door. Raising it above his head, he brought it down on the lock. A minute of whacking later with no visible change to the lock, Zack was getting frustrated.

"I have a PHD and a half and I can't even get out of a bathroom!" He said angrily. With a crazed wail, he threw himself at the door. The only thing he wasn't expecting was for it to _actually_ open. The momentum sent him crashing, sprawling and tumbling into the unfortunate soul who just happened to be standing outside the door.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-" He stopped as the person he had trampled called his name.

"Zack?" His eyes widened.

"I can explain, Dr. Brennan. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok, Zack. But can I get up now?" Mumbling embarrassedly Zack got off her, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. Unfortunately he miscalculated her weight and toppled over again.

As they lay there panting, Bren rolled her head to the right and looked at Zack. They both burst out laughing.

"Bones?" Booth's voice broke through the squint's laughing fit as they glanced up at him.

"What?" Booth asked. "Why are you on the floor? And why the hell is there a toilet plunger rolling down the hall??"

Bren and Zack locked gazes before bursting into peals of laughter again.

"Zack?" She asked when she had finally gotten her breath back. He shook his head, eyes wide. "What actually happened?"

The partners strained to hear his murmured response.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you, Zack." Booth said, putting a hand to his ear.

"I got locked in the bathroom!" Zack said loudly, blushing bright red. When he looked up to find both Booth and Brennan chuckling at him, he got up off the floor and started off to the platform. "I'm just going to finish with the bones, Dr. Brennan!" He called over his shoulder.

When Brennan was upright and standing next to Booth, she turned to her partner and said the very thing that he had been thinking.

"We're never going to let him live this one down, are we?"


End file.
